Day one at the Stalkers'

If I have one regret about this blog project, it is that I've chosen Blogger as my canvas of choice. I didn't really give myself any time to shop around, because if I had I would have quickly realized what is all too clear to me now: this website totally munches. Don't ever start a blog here. Instead find a rock somewhere - preferrably granite or a suitable substitute - and bash it into your brain until raspberry jam comes out.



So....yeah, just had to get that out. Moving on.



On a related note, I couldn't upload photos from today so please check my flickr page, or clickity directly to the set of today's shots here.



To: JJ

From: Dar



Abby was hot and cold all day; she started painfully shy and seemingly in real pain, then would get better, then revert, etc. Something is not quite right, I'm sure she's not feeling 100 percent. A dose of Motrin and teething gel seemed to do the trick this afternoon, so take your pick on which was the right diagnosis. She'll be fine, still just getting over whatever, and possibly a slight fever from her immunizations.



We had a nice day, played outside a lot. Strangely they started the day on exact opposite schedules...Abby up at 5:30, Lily slept in until 9:30. I actually put Abby down for her first nap when I was getting Lily up the first time. Yet their second nap put them back in synch, and they ended up off to bed in tandem at 8.



Lily is running circles around the house, talking people's ears off and generally being a flirty happy monkey. Abby is smiley when she feels like it, and a whimpering bowl of jelly otherwise.



They loved on of the cars your parents have, check flickr for a photo of it. Hilarious. Lily took a spill off it at one point, but no more road rash.



I'm super tired, so I'm heading off to bed a bit early. You're likely just about to get up, so good morning! Hope your first night was memorable, in a Norweigian sorta way.



L,d



Day ninety five

I think I made a big mistake

Jen is officially in Oslo, as of the email I got this morning at 5:27. Oslo. Crazy. Sounds nice. I bet there's a Chili's right there in the hotel.

Blog entries are going to be sporadic, hopefully more numerous since I'm going to use this to update Jenner on the idiots. I'm essentially writing this to JJ now. Stay tuned for more trans-Atlantic newscasting!

(..beginning second person tense..)

Yesterday I picked the kids up from daycare and was immediately under the impression that we'd made a huge mistake sending you to Europe. The girls were miserable, absolutely shell-shockingly bad. Abby is obviously back under the weather a bit, and was howling appropriately to voice her unhappiness. I was (ineffectually) pouring attention on her, and of course Lily was agonizing that I wasn't agonizing over her instead. So she began howling as well.

The walk with the dog was uneventful, but other than that it was almost solid unhappiness from 5 until 7.

I amazed myself with my ability to get out the door at 7:13. I even managed to water the tree and garden, which was borderline irresponsible and reckless parenting. Even with the car 89% packed, it was a ridiculous mad dash, all the more so because both kids were inconsolable.

Everything that went wrong with the girls before the trip went right during it, though. I am not exaggerating in the slightest: there was not one cry for the entire drive. Not one. Little troopers. They looked out the windows for a while, they had a snack, Lily had a bottle. Abby was down by Wyoming, Lily held on until much later, probably Sandstone.

I was sure they'd wake up on Midway. All three railroad crossings had me worried...I literally crossed my fingers every time I saw the white X on the road (nice...like the imagery?). Badaabump! Nothing. Even the gravel road, they stayed aslumberin'.

We pulled in around 10:20. Traffic was miserable, btw. Lily got out, and she was wide awake and hilarious. She would not stop laughing and playing with your parents, so ridiculously giggly. Abby buried her face in your mom's chest the entire time like the monkey that she is.

Abby went down with a bit of complaining, but Lily stayed riveted to wakefullness until midnight, when I finally forced her to go down. One sharp cry and she was down, where she has remained to this minute (it's 8:47am).

I was exhausted. Finally I went to pour myself deservedly into bed, and found a big wet urine spot on the bed. Your parents obviously are trying to punk me by peeing on the bed. They claim it was an animal, and even have the audacity to claim it was ours, which truth be told is likely the case. Olly does get excited to come up here. I'm thrilled he chose the bed as an appropriate canvas to express himself. Anyway, the damage to the sheets was done, so I shrugged and climbed into the other side of the bed, making a mental note to try not to roll much before my brain finally gave up the ghost.

That's yesterday. Abby got up this morning at 5:30, and has been flirting with your dad for the better part of the morning.

Pictures will be taken, I hope. Be patient. Glad you got there safely. We love you.

d

Day ninety something, I have no clue.

ps. extra credit to whoever can guess the tv show I quoted in this post's title...

Whoops...

Oh crap, I forgot to blog last night. Actually, I did remember at one point, then the thought vanished in a flurry of mad cap packing and preparations.

Wednesday night I was up until almost 4 with Abby who had a fever and was not sleeping. It was pretty horrendous, her little limbs and head were sizzlingly hot and I spent half the time nodding off, the other half worrying endlessly about her. Not fun.

Now it's off to day care, and Jen is off across the pond in a few hours, then we head to Duluth. Busy day.

Day ninety five.

I'll make up for missing yesterday and do another tonight. My bad.

Abs loves the soccer ball, god bless her.

Lily concentrates.

Yet another doctor appointment. Oh wait, this was just a normal checkup...those are rare nowadays.

Today we marched the girls into their 15 month doctor appointment. Here is the result...two vaccinatory puncture wounds. These band-aids are perfectly designed; one half gives out almost instantly, effectively negating its convalescing qualities, while the other half contains an adhesive strong enough to rip the dermis clear off my daughters. On the plus side: Snoopy!

Last night the girls were up the better part of the night. I think. I don't remember much, but I do recall that Jen did more consoling than I, and I felt like I was up at least 19 times. Maybe it was the heat. Maybe because Abby is feeling sick. Maybe they miss us. It was pretty grisly.

I was a hair away from throwing in the towel around 2 and just bringing everyone down to watch some late night tv. It was helplessly bad, like they were both coming to pieces and there was nothing we could do.

I'm quite terrified of this happening when I'm by myself, which is a mere 9 days away. I have no contingency plan for it. If both of them wake up in the middle of the night and are inconsolable, it may just be an up-all-night process. It's exhausting just considering the possibility.

Day ninety four (I did two "day ninety two"s, I apologize for the error)

Lily drinking with her pants off. Typical.

Abby getting some love from Mommy. She was so hot here, I think 102 but her skin felt like a griddle. Poor monkey.

Recall from a couple days ago when I explained that the cat tortures the dog. Here it is: pet psychological warfare in action.

AC units, come to me.

Lily Gels, kleenex inspector. Mommy Gels, Lily inspector.

I'm listening to Musicheads on the Current right now and wishing it could be anywhere near as good as Sound Opinions, but it just manages to fall way, way short. Maybe I'm still bitter since they ripped the new Decemberists' album; damn them and their hatred of hyper-literate concept rock.

Today is the day that my resolve to install our air conditioners for the year is steely-fied. Crazy, this heat.

This bi-yearly moving of bulky, weighty - and deadly sharp - units is one of my more unhappy tasks (although it is slightly better than cardboard recycling). Not because of the brute force required, the cut fingers, or the sweaty grunting. It's because I have 6 months of accumulation of "things" I have to wade through just to get the air conditioners. It's just a big fat reminder of how disorganized our lives are.

Katie and Mike, those folks who hail from Duluth/Michigan/soon to be Charleston came to visit again tonight. Lily decided to serve up one of her most tantrumy and miserable nights for their enjoyment, and Abby was quite lethargic thanks to some lingering sickness. It's exceedingly trite and cliche - and rather douchebaggy, to quote us from earlier in the night - to have to say that our kids are underperforming for guests. It's like apologizing for the house, "being such a mess," even when it's not, because I'm not a huge fan of apologizing for things like that. But really...seriously...it was one of their worst nights in quite some time.

It was all redeemed, though, when Mike managed to crack into Lily's armory facade. I'm not sure what charms he worked on her, but she suddenly could not get enough of him. Shortly afterward, she warmed up to Katie as well, sharing her toys and smiling beamingly behind the pacimafier.

Abby was a sweatheart, but the very picture of shyness and not feeling up to par. Oh well. Otherwise, we had a nice night with a light dinner out on the deck and Jen made cookies, which tends to melt away any negativity of the night. Lovely night. I remarked on the fact that the bats weren't out tonight, and I started to worry that I haven't seen them in a while, that they may have been a fluke. Then, shortly before we went in, I saw one flit quickly over the yard and disappear over the house. They're still around, and it's amazingly stupid but that just might make me sleep better tonight.

Day ninety two.

Katie and Abby make nice.

Mike and Lily, just after she realized that she was a big fan of his.

Abbinagator

C'mon try not to feel the noize

Kids A and L are, on average, fairly solid sleepers. Short of major power tool usage, we don't really censor ourselves much, in an auditory sense.

However, there are some noises that, if they occur when the kids are possibly on the cusp of wakefulness, make our spines crinkle. The sound occurs...it reverberates...we freeze like we've been spotted by a panther, waiting for the monitor to burst to life...then resume our goings-on, exchanging relieved, sweaty glances. Sometimes the perpetrator of the sound will be on the receiving end of a harsh gaze.

Here is a short list of some of the more egregious offenders of kid-waking cacaphonies.

Day ninety two.

Given any two pieces of any material of my choosing, I could never in a million years make so offensive and shrieking a sound as is produced by our shower curtain rings. It's like a sound effect from Lord of the Rings.

Offensive meter: sham wow

Putting clean pots up on the rack can get downright clangy. Clang! Fun sound while girls are awake...not so when they're slumbering.

Offensive meter: Paula Abdul, or maybe a parking ticket

Technically the dog is at fault here, but the cat carries much of the blame. He taunts the dog ruthlessly, to the point that Olly lives in constant fear of attack. It's hilarious. Not so funny is when the cat jumps on our bed and surprises the dog sometime during the night. Olly responds by barking an extraordinarily sharp report that lasts a good 4 seconds. As a bonus, his head is sometimes lodged about 8 inches from our ears.

From a sleeping state, it sounds like the world is exploding. Amplified. It shatters my brain.

Amazingly, I don't think one of these events has ever woken the girls, which is astounding.

Offensive meter: the phrase "there's an app for that"

And finally, my attempt to rectify my failures as father and photographer: a picture of the Absigail.

If you take nothing else from today's post, let it be this: BLTs are nothing without avocado.

Do not be fooled by the high chair and bib into thinking the redness on her face is made up of any fanciful foodstuffs, like lingenberries or raspnuggets. I assure you, that is pure, one day old road rash.

Many notable highlights went down today, although on the whole it was an idyllic lazy sorta day. After an obscenely long morning nap, the Gels clan clambored onto/into a bike/burley and we embarked on the very first family bike ride. Really perfect day for it, top notch in every way. We rolled up to the greenway, and headed west to roughly Hennepin and back. Jen is a speedy demon, and I think we're actually well matched when I've got 45 pounds holding me back.

Afterwards we lazed away some time in the backyard. Abby ate a dandelion, which Jen gently and kindly admonished her for. I made a (for me, typical) smarmy, know-it-all remark that dandelions weren't really that bad. So I ate a leaf, and haven't been able to feel my lips since. I thought people made salads out of these things? Maybe mine aren't ripe enough. Or it's possibly been soaked in beagle urine. Yummers.

Later in the evening, just after bath time, our friends Katie and Mike from Michigan (technically Katie is from Duluth; I felt that's worth mentioning, since Duluth is so rad) came knocking for a visit. They got to see the morons for a bit before bed, and although the girls were shy, they weren't TOO shy...so it was a success, I think. Katie and Mike are two of the nicest people in existence, so it was nice to hang out with them for the night and eat BLTs in front of them. What can we say, we were hungry. And we had to use up a half an avocado, which technically makes the sandwich a BLAT, and I had swiss cheese also which pushes me into BLATSC territory, which almost sounds like a bodily function.

Day ninety one.

Sometimes I go through stretches where I tend to omit taking pictures of one kid or the other. I have Abby phases...I have Lily phases. I'm in a Lily phase apparently, which I felt should be explained since Abbygator is a bit absent. I'll put myself back on kilter soon.

Lily hates being cleaned up after meals. However, I throw the wet towel on her head and Presto! She's laughing like a lunatic. She is especially fond of waiting for me to touch her face...she'll wait perfectly still for it...then when I finally bonk her nose or chin, she erupts in fits of screeching happiness. After a couple dozen times, her face gets (almost) clean.

Pavement 1, Lily 0

The girls patiently wait while Mommy shops a garage sale and Daddy shoots photos for Poho365.

The Moore family came by tonight for pizza and beer and brownies. The brownies were unexpected but wholly welcome; Chris can bake up some decent chocolatey squares. The night passed quite pleasantly, and they shipped out around 11:15 or so. That would have been the time for me to do the blog. As it turns out, we were having a fire out in the yard, and darn it all if I didn't want to continue enjoying that after they'd gone. So, it's now 12:25 and I still need to write this thing and my sweater smells like the boundary waters.

Today I planted my elm tree, finally. The hole was dug with Abby strapped to my back, which she was delighted with. It didnt' take long, but as soon as I was done I stepped back to survey my work and was suddenly quite sure that I'd planted it dangerously close to the house. Oh well. We'll be long gone and it will be someone else's problem someday.

We all went a few blocks over to a garage sale this afternoon, partly to shop for random items, but mostly to take a few photos. Christi, one of my fellow photographers, was instrumental in making it happen as she provided a subject, suggested a setup, then watched my kids and dog while I snapped some shots. She is a stellar person.

At some point while we were there, Lily was walking around (under my care, so I'm the guy who dropped the ball) and she took a bad step and did a face plant right into some blacktop. It was terrible to watch, which I did from a few feet away, unable to step to her aid in time. Face met pavement, and I could only watch it happen, and that is a terrible feeling. She started crying instantly, and I picked her up to find her upper lip quite bloody. Well, it wasn't a blood bath, but it looked like it hurt like hell. It is her first injury sort of event, other than the run-of-the-mill head bumps that she gets every 19 seconds around the house.

So we cried a good portion of the way back home. Well, she cried. I fretted, Jen worried, Olly smelled, and Abby laughed most of the trip back.

Now she's got some ouchie looking road rash. Poor monkey.

Abby totally skipped her morning nap - we put her up there, she looked tired, and she told us to forget it - then had an all-too-short afternoon nap. Considering that, she was in a nice mood all day.

This morning, we were shocked and amazed when we opened their door to find Abby standing inside her crib. It was like we'd walked into the wrong bedroom by accident and surprised a totally different blonde haired monkey girl. It wasn't possible, yet there she was. So, that's a cool thing, except that her mattress is way, way too high, so I need to lower that pretty much tomorrow so that she doesn't repeat and decide to take a tumble over the bar.

That's the news from the Gels front. Off the beddie...

Day ninety.

Us.

A good shot of Lily's injury. Her little raspberry nose looked a bit worse as the day went on.