Saturday, October 10, 2009

Laugh. Stare. Repeat.

Our offspring, Ver. 1.0

Offspring, Ver. 2.0

You know that feeling when you launch into what is intended to be a funny anecdote and, after a mere nine words, there is a sudden and chilling realization that what you are saying is not remotely funny or interesting in any way? Most of my life is spent treading somewhere near or right in the middle of that feeling. I only say this because it's happening to me right now.

Jen and I have this running joke that's not really a joke at all, but rather one of those silly things that couples do (I think?) to make each other laugh. Every so often we will fake laugh at each other in a dramatic, over the top fashion, then abruptly stop to glare for a few seconds, then repeat. I think we might have borrowed it from a Simpson's episode. It is hilarious and I recommend it for any couple who are as strange or moreso than us.

At some point today, Jen managed to get Abby to do this with her. This seems mind-bogglingly advanced for her (Abby, not Jen), and I was honestly kind of impressed; you could tell Abby was geniunely fake laughing. Right along with Jen, she would laugh for a few seconds, then totally scrunch up her face and leer at her from under her eyelids. I couldn't help but join in. Shortly, all four of us were doing this.

This is highlight reel material.

Day two hundred and forty six.

"Braaaains...glorp...slurt...brrrraains!!"
- Zombie Abby

"Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Friday, October 9, 2009

Midtown Global Madness

Today I called Chris, inquiring on whether he and Emily and Ella would want to join us at the Midtown Market tonight. It is Friday, and that makes it family night, which the girls enjoyed last week. He declined, saying he had to work tonight. He has no idea the bullet he dodged.

Let me first state that the first 45 minutes there were blissfully conflict free, which is something I should focus on. They have a kinda cute little play area at the southwest corner of the building that we descended upon. The slide was slid upon. The little car ramp was ridden. Good stuff. And I should mention that Abby kissed her first boy at this point, a cute and personable and highly annoying little 3 year old kid that was hamming it up with her. He got really close, smiling and making googly eyes at her, and she leaned forward and gave him a kiss. So, that's out of the way now.

As 6 o' clock came and went, we decided to go find someplace to sit the girls down and cram some food in their hands. This never did end up happening. Lily toddled down 20 feet of hallway before opting to unleash anarchy upon the world. I have to give credit to Jen, who did her best to rectify the situation, but it ended, inevitably, with Lily writhing around the concrete floor in front of the 10th St. entrance, screeching at nothing at all. A couple shopowners came over in a genuinely honest try at distracting or appeasing her. These mostly failed, until a lovely human being named Tenzin came from the Tibet store to both a) distract her, and b) give her some fruit snack. If you find yourself at the Tibet store across from Holy Land Deli, please buy some prayer flags because that is just good karma; she was very nice to us.

We passed a few minutes of unsteady truce in her store. I'm astute enough, as is Jen, to know when a good mood is just a passing fancy, and sure enough, when we left the store she came unglued once more. At this point, Abby started to disintegrate as well. At the nadir of this particular trip I had both kids, Lily trying to flop out of my arms and Abby straining against the stroller straps, in front of Holy Land deli, both of them wailing, strangers looking on, me blocking traffic, while they ensured every bit of fruit snack that Tenzin had given us was strewn upon the market floor.

With both kids in the car, they were totally fine. Back home, dinner was peaceful, changing was a bore, and bedtime was a snap. I think there are just some nights when kids should not be out.

The worst part: we had to pay $2 for parking since we never got our parking validated. Curse it all!

Tomorrow will be better. No, wait, Jen is busy with a NSHMBA conference, so I have the kids solo. Crap. Sunday will be better!

Day two hundred and forty five.

Old photos of the kids.




Thursday, October 8, 2009

No shoes, no tranquility

Lily McDriller and The Magical Tongue of Concentration

One of the kids is snoring right now; I can hear it over the monitor. It's pretty loud. I'm not sure, but I think it's Lily. It makes me want to go up and spy on them.

Jen + school/job/conference thing = me alone with the girls tonight. It was all lovely until I took Lily's shoes off while she was in the high chair. This is something that we've done probably 200 times over the past year. Since we usually go straight from dinner to bath or jammies, the shoes usually come off during dinner. So far, there have been zero complaints.

That streak ended tonight.

I still have no idea why - she usually doesn't give a rip about having her shoes on or off - but she positively shrieked. It was a volume heretofore completely unreached by her. Piercing. 5 minutes of tantrum and one high-chair extraction later, she was perfectly fine again.

So now I'm going to wonder every night if we can take her shoes off without a scene. We'll see tomorrow! Exciting times are in store!

Day two hundred and forty four.

Abs tearing something apart. Maybe a bill.

Nice. Face. Goofball.

Lily playing with a toy drill that she was rather fond of tonight.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Take that, recession

Along with Jen's looming graduation comes the double whammy of student loans coming due and the very real prospect of her not being able to find a job. Although we're hopeful, it's getting to the point where saving is important. $18 is the going rate for a haircut at GreatClips. $18!! A set of clippers and scissors at Target cost $15. It's worth a shot.
See below for the final result.

This morning at about 4am, Lily woke up screaming. We both knew why without even trying - she had lost her pacifier. She loses it all the time overnight, but ocassionally she will lose it and actually wake up to miss the thing.

I got up before Jen, so I went to save the day. This situation faces me with an option: do I go in the room and assume I can find and give her the pacifier, or do I walk all the way downstairs to get a spare one so I KNOW I'll have one to give her? Because if I go in there and can't find the one she lost (not uncommon, if it falls out and bounces under the crib and off into the ether where only lost socks and ballpoint pens exist), then it would get pretty ugly pretty fast.

This is the odd thing about parenting: we are under a constant barrage of having to make really stupid, inconsequential decisions that we consider nearly life or death choices.

I got a spare pacifier from downstairs and made my way up.

Lily had cried so long and so loud (so amazingly loud) that she woke up Abby. When I cracked the door and took a timid step into the room, Lily continued to wail but I heard Abby, clear as day, laugh a couple times and say, "Kish?" (this is her word for 'kiss') I couldn't help but laugh out loud, and she laughed again, and I wondered how I was going to deal with both kids now that they were both up.

I picked up Lily and she latched to me like a sad monkey. I never heard from Abby again. So funny, she just woke up long enough to ask me for a kiss and laugh.

Unrelated story....fast forward 15 hours, just prior to bedtime. Abby came across Lily's pacifier while transiting the family room. She picked it up, beelined for the couch, and handed it promptly to Lily. Lily took it and screamed, "TANK YOU!"

Day two hundred and forty three.

I'm going to stay clear of any armed forces recruiting stations for a while.

L-dog.

A-ster.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Twins baseball makes for late night blogging.

You see the pattern here, do you not? Sports are interfering with blogging.

I'm hitting some sort of wall here. I have nothing to write. I feel like this blog is starting to take a toll on me. I realized this when I started this entry at 10 and, while staring at a blank screen, began to hallucinate for almost half an hour.

A day devoid of any remarkable events should find me blogging about something awesome and deep, like what professions I will arrange for my girls to have when they come of age, or the best 18 rock albums that I will require them to listen to in their entirety after they begin to appreciate music.

Although I'm a little short on time tonight, I do like the second idea. Music played such a profound, fundamental part of my life back in high school. I have an unrealistically romantic plan of sitting the girls down to set them straight as to what constitutes quality listening. For there will come a time when Abby and Lily will probably ask me about music from "when I was a kid", and I will begrudgingly have to tell them about what was popular during the time: Wilson Phillips, Ace of Base, Roxette, Bell Biv Devoe, Bon Jovi, Poison, etc. I'll tell them that even I succumbed to the "Top nine at 9" list on KZIO every night for an ugly stretch during 9th grade. It would be unfair for me not to try and capture for them the musical zeitgeist that preyed upon my ears during that time. But these things will get glossed over.

Then I'll seque nicely into a list of influences that I held dear, and still do. I'll explain the albums that I spent hours listening to in my room, headphones clamped to my skull, extra long coiled cord stringing back to the stereo. (This last item was vital for letting me roam freely so I could do my calculus homework in a variety of positions and places.)

Warmly and tenderly will I explain to them that absurd, ridiculous feeling that came from listening to the first few lines of Blur's "Leisure" for the first time. I'll beg them to understand the genius of Teenage Fanclub's "Bandwagonesque", the Stone Roses eponymous debut - a tape of which I practically wore into dust - the goofball glee of They Might Be Giants, dizzying harmonies of Trip Shakespeare, and the Scottish goodness from the Trashcan Sinatras. And the Smiths. And David Bowie. Sugar! The Pixies, of course. Smashing Pumpkins, Matthew Sweet. My Wonder Stuff phase. The Cure. Cracker. Flaming Lips. The La's. This list could go on for a long time; let's sum up by saying that these bands provided the soundtrack for me back in the formative years. Obviously, they've stuck with me.

I spent so much time listening to these bands, how could they not be something that I desperately want to pass down to my kids? At the time, these bands would garner suspicious looks from my friends, who largely skewed to the other, more hip-hoppy end of the dial. I spent, then, most of these formative years with nobody to share them with. Is it wrong that I am looking forward to sharing them with my kids? Is this just nostalgia for its own sake?

Maybe.

We'll see who wins when it all comes down to High School Musical (or whatever my kids are listening to at the time) vs. The Pixies. The Pixies wrote insane lyrics like, "drive my car into the ocean; you'll think i'm dead, but I sail away on a wave of mutilation", whereas High School Musical has been known to use lines like, "We’re soarin’, flyin’; there’s not a star in heaven that we can’t reach."

Time will tell.

(ed. - I forgot to add this little question to you, the readers, last night: What albums from your youth do you feel are absolutely vital to share with your kids? Please comment or share if you like, it'd be interesting to hear other people's input...)

Day two hundred and forty two.

I'm slacking on photos. Here are completely random pictures from the files.

Me! Looking....um...pensive?



This is a salt shaker.


Cat on Elmo chair. Note the proximity to warm register.


Older one of the Girls at the Gate.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Monday night football makes for late night blogging.

It's late. I shirked my bloggidy duties to watch our Minnesota Vikings trounce upon the Packers, who hail from Green Bay. There was grunting. Men were piled upon each other at least five high. The ball was passed, run, kicked AND punted. And when the final canon sounded, it set off a hearty echoing round of 'Skol' to be heard 'round the state.

I watched the first half from my Dad's house with the girls minus Jen. He made a fantastic penne with vodka sauce. The girls were rather needy and cranky with a fair dose of tantrum in the mix.

It's been all of one day, and my rain barrel is full already. Full, I tell you! Of water! Please help yourself to a gallon or twelve if you find you've wandered into Powderhorn and are in desperate need of rainwater.

Day two hundred and forty one.

Jen loves the cat. The cat wants to eat Jen's nose off.



Lily in the playground.


Way old, from our camping trip this summer. I just came across it, and I'd forgotten how much I like this one.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Moving at the speed of idiocy.

Sometimes this party cruise likes to drop it into high gear. Wheeeeeee!

The better part of my day was spent wrastling my gutters into shape with brothers Steve and Mark, both first rate people for helping me out for the infinityth time with house stuff. We moved my downspout, a perfectly helpless piece of my gutter that wasn't hurting anybody being where it was. However, the new deck needs to be finished, and it was in the way, so off it went.

When all the gutters that needed to be moved had been moved, we took the girls for a walk. We were debating on going or not, since it was rather dreary and we are rather lazy. It turned out to be a nicely serendipitous decision, since we ran into Joanne and Amy - aka 2/7th of the powderhorn365 photographer staff - and their kids at the playground. Lily tried out many of the various entertainments; Abby cried instantly when I pulled her from the swing. She loves the swing. If life could exist solely in some sort of state of swinging, she would be a happy clam. Even after 40 minutes there, she wasn't thrilled about leaving. She came around soon, when we promised to buy her a swing and install it in her crib.

Day two hundred and forty.

Cantaloupe, meet your doom.

I'm all about motion shots today. Lily enjoyed teetering AND tottering with me. It was mutual.

I almost suffered a concussion getting this shot.